Happy Sinterklaas.

Oh, and by the way:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/dec/05/black-pete-race-netherlands

Enjoy.

- Thuy

This is my ode to the azc Alkmaar.

Prologue

Strange are the days, stranger the tides.

I.

I tell people at home that I’m working at a refugee centre.

Sometimes that makes them think of me as an angry social activist.

In fact, my work involves making music with cool people, and eating free food. Go, figure.

So, I ended up teaching violin, regardless of the fact that I haven’t touched one for years. Apparently, learning to play the violin doesn’t have to be about practicing scales and being fascist about off-key notes.

Intermezzo

No one will ever be truly capable of knowing the full extent of human suffering. It doesn’t make it a secret for one to keep though; nor is it the kind for one to share.

II.

There was a brawl last week, a rather nasty one at that. Rehearsal was fun until it wasn’t, and, guess what, the Middle East is not the homogeneous Republic of Islam Fundamentalists and of Women in Burqa.

And when being away hurts, but being home is outright deadly, then national pride or the lack thereof is a button you really, really shouldn’t push.

Understanding is not approval, and this is not the time for judgements.

I spent the night reading about the history of Afghanistan. There is not much else one could do, really.

Epilogue

Let us spend a silent moment to cherish the U.S. citizens’ sense re: 6^th of November, and be appreciative of the fact that the nuclear winter is, hereby, postponed.

- Thuy

intro

when i was a kid, one of my faves was for a Sunday lunch to have plum dumplings - not only for their gorgeous taste, but because it was a family process to make them. sitting next to the kitchen table at the age of six, packing the pieces of those blue fruits into potato coat, I would have never thought that the first round of plum dumplings made on my own would be served to a few benedictine monks in the Netherlands...

...but it happened, it happens, i am living now next to the Northern Sea with a few catholic sisters, a brother, and Thuy (- you may have already known her otherwise read the previous posts they worth it. ohooo, by the way, do not expect from my entries a similiar style - she knows how to write!).

what is: dwelling in a huge complex of a monastery, equipped by a good bike and a nice romantic attraction to farm life, i have found myself in the exact middle of nowhere (though the sea is acting somewhat like a border). going out to the sand dunes i have an impression that i am standing in the center of the universe. i guess it is just a silly joke of the clouds lining up in a circle tricking me to feel that. however it is, not a bad state at all.

so, what is the reason that one, this one has left all her life (a nice life) and Tolsztoj (my mongrel dog) back in Hungary to devote a year to volunteering at a Dutch convent? amongst many, the main one: is to experience silence in all the ways. a silence which can manifest by words, by the sound of rain, by the smile of the sisters as well as by real physical silence. a silence that is hard to understand but easy to feel - and sometimes the other way round. and a silence that will hopefully accompany all my life.

from this point of view, my situation is quite advantageous. i have left behind all the anxiety of my beloved city, my schedules, duties and roles -  most of the activities that i had found necessary to sustain a life. this gives an exceptional opportunity for a European to face with a deeper existence day by day. living open and simple.

otherwise, do not think that i am sitting still in a meadow with cows doing nothing other than meditating. there are several nice tasks to do as a volunteer. activities that hold real meaning to me. if you are still interested, follow my posts, you have a chance to get to know more about them later.

ildi

Of Gods and ___

“Truth cannot be out there – cannot exist independently of the human mind – because sentences cannot so exist, or be out there. The world is out there, but descriptions of the world are not. Only descriptions of the world can be true or false. The world on its own – unaided by the describing activities of human beings – cannot.” 

Richard Rorty

When I was six, I brought home a children’s Bible, distributed at school – beautiful stuff with gorgeous illustrations. My dad saw it, and told me that Gagarin was up there, and found nothing. And that was that – my first, rather one-sided discussion about religion.

What followed was years of secular education and, with that, the systematic deconstruction of faith, belief, and religion. I did get a hold of the Bible though, a ragged copy of the first Hungarian translation, but the concept of the holy keeps escaping me, and what remains are stories of gods and men.

It’s awfully difficult to (lie if one doesn’t know the truth) discuss the spiritual, having been indoctrinated with post-structural ideas. I have a fleeting sense of its meaning, but it always stays out of grasp. I have no god: I have no science to oppose him to. I have no belief, for I do not care for the dichotomy between real and mystical.

It’s awfully difficult to discuss anything transcendental, and, for the first time, I experience it as a struggle. This is not my discourse – my language is inadequate, and my vocabulary falls short. For the first time, I am out of words.

Before I committed to this project, a friend had told me it would be difficult, which is why I needed it. To put it quite simply: this is not the place where being a smartass gets you friends. Academia gets you only so far – and then you’re facing people who’ve been through hell and back, and you should be there to offer a hand, and it simply won’t do to tell them, dude, your identities are so fragmented. I will look them in the eye, and I will find that I have absolutely nothing to say to them.

So, I’m here to learn, and humility pulls no punches. My brain feels like a panzer tank. 

So what is inner peace anyways? 

I will embrace all doubt, insecurity, confusion, assess and reassess. It is time for reconciliation, I think; let this be my credo for the following months, and then pain shall be my rite of passage.

- Thuy

God has pity on kindergarten children,
He pities school children -- less.
But adults he pities not at all.

He abandons them,
And sometimes they have to crawl on all fours
In the scorching sand
To reach the dressing station,
Streaming with blood.

But perhaps
He will have pity on those who love truly
And take care of them
And shade them
Like a tree over the sleeper on the public bench.

Perhaps even we will spend on them
Our last pennies of kindness
Inherited from mother,

So that their own happiness will protect us
Now and other days.

Yehuda Amichai

Days of Firsts

After half a year of absence, I'm back in the Netherlands again. And yet, not really. There is, I feel, a legacy I should be honouring, part of which comprises the continuation of this blog. This is then a nod towards Ellie and Klinta, our quasi-ancestors, not in blood but in mind. So: hi girls. Your presence still lingers here - the paintings, a tin can of pens and brushes, the half-consumed bottles marmalade in the fridge. 

We are steadily establishing ourselves in the flat, Ildi and I. It is a wonderful partnership, this process, documented by the state of the living room, which is lived-in at its best, and chaotic neutral otherwise. And look: a map of India. A new painting. And the living room table which is always always always covered in tobacco, regardless of our cleaning sprees. We're definitely getting there. Ildi told me to make a note about how cool she is. “Cool” doesn’t do justice here, but there you go. Thou shall see. Let’s just say, and allow me an understatement, that the fun potential of this place would significantly drop without her.

It’s quiet here – that takes time to get used to on some days. But, it’s not the unsettling silence of sensory deprivation, merely the isolation from the whirlwind of noises of the city. Neither do the nights bear any resemblance to those that I’ve grown accustomed to in the capital. This is the blanket that Radnóti was praying for, the darkness that corresponds with Conrad’s descriptions of hearts of men. Well, minus the insanity. It soothes, it disquiets, depending.

Visits to the city come as a relief. Our first trip to the refugee centre in Alkmaar was a catharsis we’ve never been building up to. It was the first time that I felt: yes, this is what I had signed up for – social work with emphasis on the people, the community, the collective effervescence, rather than a militaristic theoretical agenda of human rights activists that I was used to. More will come, and I highly anticipate.

Not that the cloister lacks human interaction; talking with the sisters is always fun. Having been brought up by fervent non-believers, I had had only a vague idea about clergy people. My impressions are still not clearly outlined, but, for once, I know that they will never be. People are what I see: highly intelligent, gentle, and fun people, who make brilliant conversing partners. Wonderful company, really.

And then there’s the School for Peace – an institution for like-minded people, searching, finding. Last time it was the host of an international peace circle. The idea behind its conception, around 20 years ago, was to provide a framework and space for women to gather and share, in dire times and dire environments. In the end, it rhymes with the universal female narrative – of different Penelopes of different Odysseuses. The peace circle then, as I understood, was a social space for women to escape their domestic isolation and interact, not as representatives of different communities, but primarily as women – human beings. The dissolution of social tension or ethnic feuds was rather an untargeted consequence of deep personal connections. Shortly, the peace circle was intended to provide a space for re-humanisation, in dehumanising circumstances.

The question is then, what legitimacy does a peace circle hold in the Netherlands – most liberal of liberal states – in 2012 with international social science students who already have a highly open state of mind and are as strong and emancipated as women can be in the 21st century. I’m not sure. It felt more like an unconscious heritage one is used to carrying than anything else. What it really was: a gathering of some of the most amazing women I have met in my life. I did not gain new insights per se about inner peace, or about the importance of forgiveness, love, you name it. Never mind that; I got something much better – friendships of women I would have not otherwise met. I believe that the sharing of life stories and experiences would have happened regardless of the provided framework – this tends to happen when people meet and click. But I doubt I would have ever met them, had it been to chance. What a weekend it was. And there is so many more to come.

- Thuy

The Theater project or 10 days of positive craziness

How can I even begin to describe something so full with all sorts of emotions and experiences that can happen during just 10 days. It took me a while to just calm down and with relaxed mind just go through it again, through all that we experienced, shared and had.

It all started on Friday evening. The introduction, when we first met each other, made our first impressions. The Friday, when we all stepped in to the unknown, cause no one really knew what the exact outcome of all this will look like, except that we believed it will be a good one.

The next few days we went through a lot of workshops, dancing, acting even stage fighting, singing, improvisation, we had our share of fun and seriousness. From all the workshops there were something wonderful created – a new song, a small play, finding out something new about the other person or yourself and feeling connected through the dance and letting our self to go through all that with all our senses.

After the workshops were done we took the best we could from them, took our thoughts about identity, thoughts about what we thought we want to include in theater and sat by the big table with our all creative group and project creators(hat off to their fantastic job). And few hours later after long, productive discussions our truly great theater director introduced with main idea, the main story line to witch we all wrapped around all our creativity and creative outcomes.

The ending result was beyond my expectations.  We presented our outcome, our play three times. Every time felt different not just because the people who came to watch performance was different. I could see it was surprise for audience as well, we let them experience huge spectrum of emotions  of the story and also let them be included in it, we gave them a push to think about them self, about their identities and who they are..

The all 10 days I spent with these beautiful people, creating something outstanding is definitely a memories I will take with me for rest of my life. I don’t think it is even possible to forget something so amazing.  During all the workshops, rehearsals  and even in our free time periods there were room for so much- sharing, talking, singing, playing, dancing even silence and time for yourself, time to get to know others and room to be yourself.  

We learned so much, we experiences so much and we made new friends, we saw beauty in our self, others and surroundings.  

Embrace your identity

Life is Beautiful

Much Love

Ellie

Silence before the Storm

Slowly days coming closer to the end of my period here.  Everywhere in Lioba School voor Vrede is silent past weeks.  No groups coming in, just few people showing up and disappearing. But only for those who know, can feel the excitement and recognize this silence only as a silence before the storm. ‘Cause already this Friday the main event of the year for the School voor Vrede will start. The theater project – Don’t stop me now with the theme – Identity, with many beautiful, energetic and ambitious people. This place won’t be silent no more, as the every inch of the school will be filled with inspiring energy, filled with self-expression in art, and finding out something about them self and people around. I can feel my excited heart preparing for unprepareable.

Will post pictures and stories soon

Sunny days

Ellie

 

Who stole the Summer?

For the past few weeks it has been really cold here in Netherlands. I mean too cold for Summer. So much rain and so much wind – that is something I cannot use to, even till now.  It makes me love sun more than ever. And lately whenever I can, I go outside to watch the sunset. To say goodnight to sun and hoping she will come back in the morning! :D

“It is always too soon to quit”

                            (Norman V. Peale)

One of the thousand reasons why I love Earth

As every human being on Earth I also have my bad days . But this one, particular day was extremely dreadful. It seemed that nothing could possibly go right and nothing would help me get better. I tried all kinds of nice things that usually can cheer me up. But this time nothing worked, not even my favorite song, not even my favorite activity. Every single task I did gave me bad outcome or it made me have this really weird numb feeling, when you absolutely don’t care what happens around you or with you.

So there I was, cycling with my bicycle in this so common huge wind which of course was in to my face all the way back home, and then suddenly it started to rain – heavily , which of course was in to my face because of the wind. That was just another thing that made my day much more blue than it was already before. I wanted to give up on everything. I was tired.

I stopped by the shop, bought the things I needed for home and got on my bicycle. Wet and angry I cycled home. I stopped by the lights and waited  for the green light to turn on, which usually takes a lot of time. But that’s when I realize, that it’s barely raining and the sun is coming out of the clouds showing the one of the beautiful creation of nature – the rainbow, but not just one rainbow but the triple rainbow.

It was first time in my life that I saw three rainbows-  all seven colors so bright and magnificent in each rainbow one after another. It took my breath  away. As some of my friends would say -  I was blown away. I missed my green light but I did not care. I was so amazed.  How many times in your life can you see such a beauty? I was so happy that I saw something so fantastic.

The triple rainbow made me forget my sadness, my anger and me being completely wet and instead leaving joy, amazement and heart full of smiles. It seemed like the rainbows would have found some kind of switch in me. Click, and you are happy humans being again.

I am so happy that I live on this magnificent Earth

Love  and hugs for everyone

Ellie



“Meeting of Minds”

What is amazing about the peace is that everyone can have it, everyone can make it, everyone can help others to reach it. But it is always starts within you and when you have that and you open your heart to others -  peace grows. There is nothing more beautiful to see, than people who have love, joy and happiness in their hearts, one of the most essential things for growing peace.

What I adore about working or correctly would be volunteering in Lioba School Voor Vrede (Lioba School for Peace) organization which is located in Lioba monastery area, is that not only you can see the monastery life (well part of it) but you can also find an inspiration, spend  time in prayers or in silence but also free your spirit in dance or in the other nice workshops that are possible here (but about them, maybe, some other time).

 What I wanted to share that this weekend, here in School Voor Vrede, is happening, in my opinion, one of the best weekends which, again in my opinion, is great step towards peace not only within you but also bigger than that.  From 11^th till 13^th of May here will be “Meeting of Minds weekend- The mystical experience in religion and InterFaith Worship”  It is about that people from different groups of ages and different religious backgrounds coming together to share their experiences, there is also going to be variety of lectures and interactive meetings with inspirations from dance and arts and lot’s more witch will all conclude with Interfaith Service on Sunday.

Well this is truly amazing. Imagine how much possibilities there are for peace to grow. All these different people coming together, live together, share and experience all kinds of things together- the ones they know and the ones they about to get familiar with. I think it is great opportunity to let go the stereotypes and actually get to know the other person, the other religions, see other perspectives, have a respect for other things, open your heart for new kind of communication. 

I am so excited to find out what this weekend will bring and to see how great example it can show to others who are ready for growing bigger peace.

Much Love

Ellie

Life's surprises

For the past few weeks there has happened so many beautiful and inspiring things which has lift me so high that it is almost possible to think that I can fly. And it is all started with search for the adventures, than letting that wish go and just enjoying the moment and then suddenly life’s surprising you by lining up event by event..

When something lifts you up - you change and everyone can see that(except yourself I guess). But when someone meets me and ask -what happened? I am not even able to explain it in none of my known languages . It is something that you have to experience and feel it with your heart. 

So if you also longing for uplifting experiences and understanding what I wanted to say with this, my recipe for surprising moments is --> make a wish + enjoy your day +  don’t expect anything = Hello, beautiful life!

Since I can’t find other words for my inspiring weeks, this time I will share my favorite poem by (unfortunately) unknown author.

May all your days be sunny and full with joy

Ellie

Just One

One song can spark a moment

One flower can wake the dream

One tree can start the forest

One bird can herald the spring

One smile begins a friendship

One handclasp lifts a soul

One star can guide the ship at sea

One word can frame the goal

One vote can change the nation

One sunbeam lights a room

One candle wipes out darkness

One lough will conquer gloom

One step must start each journey

One word must start each prayer

One hope will rise our spirits

One touch can show you care

One voice can speak with wisdom

One hart can know what’s true

One life can make a difference

You see it’s up to You!

It’s just happened….

The opening story is always very important, and I felt honored and also nervous that writing this blog and being the first one who will do it, was putted on my shoulders. I was thinking about it for a while- how should I start it. I was looking at many thoughts and ideas in my head and wondering -should I start with the poem or quote or maybe a joke? And then it finally hit me. How about I just start with an actual life expirience... a true life idyll…

This was a beautiful Sunday morning. Even if it was raining outside and the sky was gray, it was still perfect. The rain sounds on our roof window made a relaxing sounds. My roommate, also a volunteer, was sitting in her favorite chair and crocheting while watching her favorite TV show and time to time laughing in funny moments. Meantime I was doing every Sundays small cleaning and thinking about the stories I read the day before and in background I could hear my favorite songs from Elvis, Frank and Louis. That was the moment, when I suddenly release, that finally in our 6 month here in beautiful Lioba klooster territory, after lot of ups and downs and ups again, after so many educating and beautiful experiences here, after trying to find our way how to work and live together with each other here – we have finally and unconsciously succeeded and now just enjoying or life. It felt something like those old sea traveler stories - when after the stormy night the sun rises again, bringing a new sunny day calming the ship and the soul. That is the moment when you realise that life is so beautiful and you need so little to be just happy.

I wish to you too - to notice these small, beautiful and uplifting life moments and see that it is so easy to be happy and be grateful for it

Lots of warm hugs

Ellie J